What I Miss About America

Things I miss about the United States

- My family. This one basically goes without explanation.

- My dog, Blitz. I anxiously await the day that I am greeted by him and his wagging tail at the front door.

- My friends. Also goes without explanation.

- Decent-sized soda at restaurants. Coke, Sprite, Fanta, etc all come in slightly-fancily shaped glasses here. While it looks nice, the portion is usually around .33L and ridiculously expensive. Along with that, I also miss free refills.

- American football. I love soccer, I’m pretty good at it, but nothing beats the roar of a blue-and-white-clad crowd shouting “We Are! Penn State!”

- Grocery stores being open on Sundays. Although it’s not a big deal to do all the shopping on Saturday, sometimes you forget something here and there, and then nope, gotta wait until Monday to get it. To this, I will add stores staying open past 5 or 6PM...

- Not being stared at. I’d like to introduce you all to a concept commonly known as “the German stare.” In any given situation, whether it’s on the tram, in a restaurant, standing on the street waiting for the light to change, people are often the subjects of intense stares. This is not me being paranoid either; all of my colleagues have this experience. In any sort of situation in public space, you may be on the receiving end of a fixed, intense stare. I guess my problem is that where I come from, if you stare at or look at someone the wrong way, it is interpreted as extremely offensive and could end up in a dangerous situation. Suffice it to say, I was rather uncomfortable when I first arrived here. I was even quite offended at one point; I had just bought my monthly tram/subway/bus pass, and was sitting on the tram writing down my pass numbers on the actual ticket. When I took my wallet out to get the numbers, a man sitting next to me and his wife in the seat across from me both leaned over to look at my wallet. I responded with a fierce stare, at which point they both glanced away. We Americans in Germany, however, have developed our own remedies. One of my colleagues prefers to return stares with greater intensity. Another offers this piece of advice: “when a German stares at you, just tell yourself it’s because you’re extremely attractive.” I, on the other hand, will return the stare, wave and say “hello!” at which point the staring German does not know what to do and looks around in a slightly chaotic and confused manner.

- India Pale Ale. This is a type of beer characterized by a very bitter flavor. Its name comes from the beer’s history…when India was a British colony, beer would be brewed in Britain for the officers and then shipped to India. However, the beer wouldn’t last the long ship voyage and would go bad by the time it reached India. So the brewers loaded the beer of up with hops, the type of plant used to flavor beer and which also serves as a natural preservative, and the beer would survive the voyage. Because of the large amount of hops added, however, the beer was extremely bitter. The tradition of brewing IPAs continues until this day, but you just can’t find them in Germany.

- Driving. Yeah, it’s cool to take the train everywhere (especially a treat over here since Amtrak is absolutely awful), but there’s something special about cruising down the highway with the windows down and the radio up. I also miss the freedom of being able to hop in the car and go wherever I want. This just cannot be done here, as I do not have a car, and am admittedly slightly terrified of driving in Europe. Europeans are some of the most insane drivers I’ve ever encountered.

- Tastykake. I think you have to be from Philly to understand this one.

- American English. I can only take so much British English. What the heck is a biro? Why would I want to cook with something called black treacle? Does the freeway get jammed up with lorries? (biro = pen, black treacle = molasses, lorry = truck) Furthermore, I can only take so much broken German-trying-to-speak-English English. No you do not come from a weddy little willich. ("very little village").

- Fashion that doesn't cross "that line." Although, generally speaking, Europeans are more fashionable than Americans, sometimes Europeans just get absolutely ridiculous with how they clothe themselves. It's not uncommon to see a stout young German gentleman covered in orange rub-on tan, a fixed plume of stiff gel-doused hair atop his head. One can also see Italians from far away on account of their unabashed use of many colors at once. Also, because the English language is extremely fashionable here, it's also not uncommon to see t-shirts and even pants featuring, for example, English words in various fonts which are organized basically into gibberish, which I guess is some superficial attempt at a cultural statement. Seriously, I once saw a t-shirt that said "a magic fly," "comin,  into love (sic)," "ska-ke it!" "every Tuesday treat the nutty cowbell!"

Well...that's about it for now. Catch ya on the flip side!